september

"What can I give, to the one who has everything? What can I give, to the creator of all?"

I just read a great blog from my sister, wow she's growing a lot. How great! And the funny thing is, there's no way she sees it as clearly as those of us that are close to her but far from her do. It's a great year in her life!

When I think of the power of God, and the truth that yes, He does in fact have power over me completely, every decision, every move.. It makes the above line come to mind. How could I possibly repay Him? He has it all, and more. This is when He gets so much sweeter in my mind though, because I realize that He's not interested in my offerings, He interested in my heart. What a sweet love, and an innocent reality.

I've been away for 22 days now, with one day in between. When so much is going on at home and there's so much to come in one's life, it makes it so much harder to not miss what's there. I'm ready for my bed, for my dogs, for my friends, for my house and my own kitchen, for my brother, for my new job. Vacation has been wonderful, but 3 weeks of it is not necessary. When you love life, and enjoy your home and what you have there, you don't really need a vacation. Or at least I don't.

Visiting my family though was a necessity, and I wouldn't exchange that time we spent together for anything in the world. I needed it, so badly. It refreshed me. I wish I could visit them every month, for a week. That would be so great. You know what gets me the most.. haha, here I go. I can't stand when people say "I know how you feel"... they don't! Unless their family lives more than 8,000 miles away, they have NO idea. It's very different than them being 2,000 miles away, it's a whole different feeling. Ok, enough of the pity party.

Today I miss them a lot. But, God's grace rescues me every time I have one of "these" days. He knows, and He has a solution to make my day better, I know it. I love my family, and I wish we were closer. That's that.

I'll be headed home in two days, from right now. Haha. Praise Him!

Love from down south,
Kathleen

deeper thoughts of dependance on God

It's now been one week since I left home to fly over here, to China, to spend time with my family. It's been a crazy awesome week. I love seeing their country, their home, and their friends. They have really made it comfortable over here, and have built some really great relationships. Seeing their happiness, and that they are taking their place over here, I feel like will make it a lot easier for me to live at home, happy, although they are missing. Now, I won't worry as much about them, because I see how they fit in so well. They continue to draw from the Lord for strength, and for joy, and it shows. 

You know, I've learned a lot lately about how we as humans use the concept of God. It's usually either one of two ways:

1) When things are really bad, we cry out to Him... asking Him why, pleading for a miracle, wanting Him more.

OR

2) When things are really well, we thank Him, praise Him... almost like," Good job, God! That's how it should work!"

I've thought a lot about this lately, because in the past few months, I have travelled through the hardest season of my life, and now through a season of blessing and joy. I don't want my relationship with God to change based on my circumstances. i hate this, and I believe strongly that He does too. God is not a concept, my friends, He is IT. He is the "I AM", as described in the Bible. It doesn't matter if like sucks worse than it ever has before, or if you've hit it big and are thriving with success, friends, finances, happiness, the whole shebang.. Or, as sometimes it is, if life is at a standstill, balancing in between these two scenarios. Okay, but not great. This is how I DESIRE to be towards this:

1) When things are really bad, I lean on Him, I continue to build that relationship by letting Him overcome things, by trusting in Him to see HIS will fulfilled, not my own, and my letting Him search me, daily, to purify me.

AND

2) When things are really well, I constantly praise Him, and continue to build that relationship by sharing my happy moments with Him, listening to Him, and celebrating WITH Him, as my God!

I want God to be a part of every decision, every situation, every moment, day and night. I am in a season in my life right now and I feel like I'm floating above the clouds. I don't have many sad moments, I feel connected with Him, I anticipate what's to come in the next month or two, and I want to share this joy with all of my friends. I know though, because 'tis life, that this season will soon pass away and will lead me into a season of trials. I'm prepared for that, I feel. I know if I spend this time drawing from God, and receiving all that He has for me, I will be equipped to not only handle but to THRIVE during the seasons of doubt, trials, and fear. It will not gain a hold on me. 

These are just my current thoughts. He's GOT to be numero uno, or else, it's going to be a rocky journey for you! Trust me, I've seen people try to do this thing called, "LIFE", on their own. It doesn't work. It doesn't impact the world. It doesn't bring fulfillment inside. 

Love from Abroad, 

Kathleen

in the moment

As I sit here with jet lag, hardcore jet lag, I feel so relaxed and comfortable. Yes, in this apartment, yes in the same country as my family, but even moreso I direct this towards a deeper comfort, with life itself. When I think of my age, and all that God has done in me up to this point, I get so excited for what's to come. I have to be very careful though, not to get so excited and expectant that I miss what is going on right now, in this moment, in me and around me.

I'm watching "Runaway Bride", with two pillows conforming around me, a bottle of water within reach, and my mom's computer resting on my lap. I wish those friends that are closest to me could have a third-world experience. I feel like this would allow them to know me even better. They would understand my past, and agree with my future. They'd be able to see, just a little better, through my eyes- my perspective when I see a map, my vision when I see the pictures of the slums of India, the tribes in Africa, and the jungles of Thailand. But, not everyone has a desire to travel this far from home, so I can only pray that God will reveal to them what's going on outside of our own country, our own neighborhood. I love being on foreign soil.

I dread the goodbye in 8 days, but I am so looking forward to the next couple months of my life. Growing closer to the Lord excites me the most. He's so incredible. He's definitely won my heart, time and time again!

Love from Harbin-
Kathleen

last night in the usa

To me personally, this last night in my country for the next couple weeks couldn't have been any more incredible than it was. I don't understand, and it becomes just a complication in my mind when I try to figure out why in the world God, in all that He is, blesses me so much. Time after time, when things are okay, he makes them even better. It BLOWS my mind! For real.

The past 2 days have been filled with preparation for a youthquake live show, which took place this evening at Southpoint Community Church. Going into this as of yesterday, and not sure what to expect, I can say I am once again amazed at the presence of God and what He chooses to do in our midst when we open up to him and LET GO of everything in our lives. This evening, as I sang "Hear Us From Heaven" and led thousands (2000+) of teenagers, I opened my eyes and couldn't help but laugh because of the joy that filled me up. So many young kids, 13, 14, and 15 year old, and highschoolers, crying out to God on behalf of their peers. What a beautiful experience. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that Jesus would choose me, of all people, to carry such a responsibility of connecting with Him and leading others into that place. Praise Him. He makes it oh so easy!

After YQ, I went to dinner with a great friend. I must say, I've been blessed with friends who are much better to me than I deserve. It was a great time around the Chili's table, and was actually relaxing believe it or not! Good laughs, brief deep convos, and fun talking on the phone with my mothers in China! Haha. Thanks mother.

SPEAKING OF CHINA... I'm headed there in 2 hours and 15 minutes. I leave my house at 4:15am to go to the Jax airport. I will then fly to Atlanta, then to Shanghai, then to Harbin. The flight from Atlanta and Shanghai is 15 hours and 40 minutes long. Thanks to Sudoku and sleeping pills, I think I will survive. (Key Word: THINK)! This is my first time travelling alone over the big ocean... or any ocean for that matter. International travel is so much different from domestic travel. I couldn't even explain. You've gotta experience it. (even if it's usually a not-so-good experience.)

This will be my last blog from America. I need to conclude my packing, round up a couple items I need, prepare the house for my absence, and write a couple emails... before 4:15am!

Blessings to you all. Seriously. Thank you to those of you who sent letter, pictures, goodies, paintings (Ashley S.! haha) and other meaningful things to my parents and Jenn! I can't wait to see their faces when they open the suitcase that's for them. =) I will give them a huge hug from you. Please, continue to pray for them daily. That's THE BEST support you could give!

Love,
KB

That Place

I like this color, it reminds me of my current day. Sunny and beautiful outside. And a permanent smile, which I feel is a direct result of a wonderful worship time last night at CRC youth group.

I've felt a really tight closeness to Jesus lately. I mean, I have for years, but I feel like I'm going through a season right now and He is especially evident to me, in some clear way every single day. It never fails, every day. This is awesome, and great, and cool... but it sometimes makes me sad at the same time. Why? I want for my friends to feel this same closeness. It gives me a feeling of purpose, and reminds me of Psalm 139. I was "wonderfully and fearfully made". I want those that are special in my life to realize this, but I know that nothing I say or do can bring this. It's going to be God, reaching into their hearts and refining them. I pray for this every day on my drive to work, or when I'm sitting in my bed. I am so happy, so blessed, and so secure in the Lord. I want this for my friends. That's the desire of my heart at this time in my life, and I believe God has that desire to, which means He will meet my friends right where they are at and wash away their fears, their insecurities, their past, and their doubts. He'll prove Himself, as He does to every one of His children.

I'm excited to visit my family. I leave for China in one day. I've never travelled overseas by myself, but I know I'm not alone. =) My longest flight, of the 3 I will take to get there, is 15 hours and 40 minutes! I need at least 3 good books, a journal, my Ipod, a Sudoku book, a deck of cards, my notebook, and probably at least 6 other things to help keep me busy! I hope I have a nice neighbor sitting next to me AND I hope that I'm on an aisle... I HATE HATE HATE climbing over people =( I feel terrible when I do this! But, it will all be worth it when I see my parents. I hope I don't cry, from happiness. =) I wish I could take my puppy with me.

Tomorrow night is Youthquake Live, the season premier. I'm so proud of the worship team. They've worked so hard, and it has really paid off. This past Sunday, as the last practice, they sounded superb! I look forward to leading worship, once again, for the awesome audience of YQL. My prayer is that God will anoint me, as I connect with Him, to in return lead thousands of young people into that place. The place where you feel a direct connection with the Lord. That place where nothing else is on your mind because you are so consumed with His presence. That place where you feel so open, vulnerable, free... That's the place where I try so hard to be every single day of my life. I want each person at every Youthquake show, every youth group service and church service, and every one of my friends that are around me to know how to get to that place, and GO THERE. It's awesome! It's going to be a really great show, at Southpoint Community Church. 8-10pm. All are welcome!

I need to finish packing up things on my desk now, though I'm doing really good I must say! It's the perfect day for a last day, because I know this is just the end of the beginning! If you're reading this, I hope that you can take a moment to pray for those in your life that need to find that place.

With Love
K

Stepping Forward and jenn

You know that song "I'm taking two steps forward and one step back"... It's a country song, not sure who it's by at this moment. But yes, I think some of us spend way too much time in life getting nowhere far. I must say I've been very blessed by God to not have had that problem too often, but lately I have, and now I'm done with it. I'm so excited about what is to come in my life, even this week has been awesome!

Yesterday I picked up Sara and Todd, and brought them to my home. They are so chill about everything. They love the dogs, the room, and pretty much everything about the house. I called out of work today, although I only have one day left, and Sara and I are going thrift-store-hopping and we're setting up their room and decoarting. I have some stuff around the house I need to finish, like laundry and the pile of yard work in the middle of the sidewalk. HAHA... seriously, it's been there for a WEEK! I already vacuumed and mopped this morning though, so thats good!

I miss my sister a lot. I want to jump through the computer right now cuz she won't answer my calls, on purpose, because shes "tired and watching a movie"! AH! Haha, I really don't have anything to talk about. I just love seeing her and hearing her voice. Even sometimes, I'll call her and then just have her sit on their while we both do our own thing, just to know she's "there". She''s so cool. I wish we had gotten a lot better when she was here, which was my fault because I was so consumed with boys and work and blah blah blah. But, you can't live life thinking of regrets. You've just got to change it. So, when she gets back I want to take her, just her, to :

Orlando to Disney World and Islands od Adventure,
to see Paula Dean up north and eat in her restaurant,
to go visit Rochelle in Canada,
car shopping with me,
and everywhere else we've talked about going but have never gone.

And YES, I know it's much easier to say all of these sweet things and then not do them. But, I really do realize how important she is to me, and I don't want to be 80 and in a wheelchair and realize that I didn't spend enough time with her. She's more important than any stupid (or not stupid) boy, any friend, any job, any task... I love you. Love you Jenn! See ya in THREE DAYS!!!