The Season

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child. Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband. Love is kind, though harried and tired. Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way. Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure.

Cozy

Such a flawless day. Though many sharp souls may disagree, seeing rain, cold air, dark skies, and little life on the sidewalks, I beg to differ. It's cozy, slow, and full of great scents- scents of holiday candles, fresh coffee, baking bread, a clean home, happy dogs, and the Christmas tree. A family favorite movie plays on the television as I type, and a smile covers my make-up-free face.

The only things missing on this cozy day is my love. Jeramy Ziegler.

I long for the day God brings us together, for good. Forever. Unified. One. This beautiful, unique love that could only come from the Divine Creator, the Master Artist, is so thick between us. It continues to pull our hearts closer and closer together. God has answered our questions. He has come down from the heavens to show us firsthand that we are right. We are good. The relationship... the couple He has created is good in His sight, and made in His image. What comfort I can rest in, knowing I'm done searching. What joy I can live in, knowing my God is pleased and excited with me for the future of this love.

Praying that you find the coziness in this day. Praying you find the joy of true life and the hope of secure salvation, if you find your heart searching for something more. Praying you feel His divine presence.

Kathleen

Egg nog, mistletoe, parties, bows, and purpose.

13 days until "The Day". The day our Great Savior, redeeming Father, remarkable God, gave His son on my behalf. On your behalf. The day He gave the brightest example of selflessness.

It's going to be a very special Christmas for me. Unlike last December 25th, this time around I have my whole family back, to sit around the tree and demolish piles of wrapping paper- together. There will not be a Skype call this Christmas. The Lord has brought us back together to celebrate Him. He IS our celebration!

My shoulders have been heavy lately, my mind ransacked by tasks. My patience has been non-existent, my confidence just as low. It's been a season I knew was coming, and is almost over. Christmas Day marks the end. I've only conquered the Balancing Act because of His strength in my bones. I don't even know if I'd call it conquering. It's more like I've learned how to balance, how to keep striving, how to move forward even on the hardest day. Him.

His strength is stronger than any force of this earth; His mercy more beautiful than the most expensive jewel; His love deeper than the deepest hurt I could ever face; His grace sufficient; His goodness ridiculously incredible.

Jesus, YOU are our celebration. This season is all Yours in my heart. Thank You for Your gift to me. It didn't need wrapping paper or bows. It was perfect just the way it was!

Awaiting Cool Weather, Awaiting Transformation

I awoke to chilly toes, two dogs curled up in tight balls at my side, the birds chirping loudly, and bright sun shining through the broken blinds... These signs could only mean one thing... COOLER WEATHER!

If you live in the Jacksonville area, you've been a part of what I call "The Buzz". People begging each other, and even God, for cooler weather. We've been waiting, waiting, complaining, waiting. Now, this day, it is finally here. As I walked outside this morning to experience a taste of it for myself, and see if it could really be true, it was as if walking into a huge celebration. Yard sales galore, family after family walking the sidewalks laughing, talking, jumping, riding bikes.. Birds flying every which direction, singing at the top of their lungs.. squirrels playing tag in every front yard on the block.. a beautiful, brisk breeze chilling my face as I wrapped my arms around myself... and the smell of contentment. The humans finally got what they've been begging for!

I sit here, garage door open, pondering this dramatic change. A simple, though long-awaited change in weather transformed cranky people into the happiest beings! It's as if the earth and everything in it (or at least Jacksonville =) has awakened from its sleep.

Then, it hit me!! This is so identical to the spiritual state some of us may be in. We're waiting, complaining, waiting, begging, waiting for a change. Waiting to come out of this dry season that's suffocating our souls... waiting to walk out the front door into a celebration of Life! It's so similar... though there's one difference, which is the reason we are free, the cause for true Life. The difference is that WE can CHOOSE when the weather changes in our life. Unlike the poor people of this city who have no impact on when or how quickly or how drastically the weather changes, we can choose that today will be the day.

Today will be the day when my soul comes alive. Today will be the day when the clouds part and the sun shines deep inside. Today will be the day when we come out of hiding and unite back together with our Creator, our Lover. If you have been waiting for a change, or better yet as I love calling it, a TRANSFORMATION in your life, make the choice. Take the step. Choose to hand it over to Him, the one who calls you His own. Allow the Lord the privilege of taking Your heart back for Himself. For His work. For His glory. Stop waiting, and complaining, and begging... you don't have to. You've already obtained the Prize. You've already conquered the battle. Stop making this harder on yourself, stop drawing it out. Will you stop waiting and take hold of Change, today?

Am I a Sponge?

There are times in my week that I have opportunity to sit for extended amounts of time, in His presence. Yes, I'm ALWAYS in His presence, but I mean like really SOAK in His presence. Face down, or at the altar in a quiet sanctuary alone, or on my bedroom floor on my knees, or in my car in a parking lot. There are these times... so sweet, so deep, when one hand of Jesus wraps around me while the other reaches in deep, down into the pit of my heart and the depths of my soul, pulling out things He wants handed over to Him. Things I'm still holding on to after many painful days, or months, or some things even years.

I realize when I am in these moments that this is a time for me to "sponge-ify" myself. (Like the new word?) I see myself as a sponge, grungy and dry, with an occasional hole or two in the covering of my heart. And I see Jesus as pure, clear, cold water. Not dirty water or used, but that pure water that you get when you pour a fresh cup from the Brita pitcher! It's so refreshing, and you feel it travelling all the way down, from the entrance of your mouth to the bottom of your stomach. This is what Jesus is to me in these moments. I am a sponge, soaking in fresh water, fresh Word, fresh wisdom.

The fiery cry of my heart today is that I might ALWAYS be a sponge. I will learn how to sponge-ify =) myself, in every moment, every single day. Knowing when He is speaking fresh knowledge, knowing when He is pouring His fresh, pure spirit... and having the ability to soak it up 'til I'm dripping with it! Every day, soaking in the presence of my sweet, holy Jesus.

Father, pour Yourself out and into my life today. I receive, I soak it up. I want more of Your spirit, more of Your passion, more of the fire that is in Your heart to consume mine.

Seed

There is nothing sweeter that I've ever experienced than planting seed in people's lives. This can be done in so many ways- a kind, encouraging word or a tight, meaningful hug; leading them in worship, or praying for them as they reach out to the Lord; listening when they need to talk, and talking when they're desperate for a conversation.

As I communed with the Lord first thing this morning, He challenged me to live out "love". I asked Him to open doors for me to do so, and give me insight into people's lives and situations so that I would clearly know exactly how they need to be loved. It was neat to watch as the Lord did this, all throughout this day.

I love beginning each day with Him. Listening to His voice. Gaining wisdom through His Word and books of knowledge. Interceding for my world. Pouring out my fears, my doubts, my roadblocks, and my thoughts. Pouring out every part of my heart, and leaving it with Him for the day. I then can move forward, being bound by nothing. It's a very happy feeling.

It's been a month of incredible experiences- some may label certain ones as negative. But, I see every experience and every trial as an opportunity to cling tighter to my God, as He once again delivers me from my enemies.

My encouragement to you, as you read this, is to stay in tight, constant communion with Jesus. There is so much to know about Him. Keep pressing into the knowledge of God, seeking Him, and finding Him.

sweet, sweet sound

Reflecting on the song that has played in my car approximately 17 times in the last 48 hours. (Yes, I spend a lot of time driving!). "Sweet Sweet Sound" by Sarah Reeves. I'll be honest, I don't particularly love every song of hers, but this one... this one is different.

"Hear the song of my life

let it be a sweet, sweet sound,

let it be a sweet, sweet sound!

I raise this anthem high!

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound,

let it be a sweet sound!"

What IS the song of MY life? May it be one of love, passion, courage, purpose, and above all things FAITH. I want the song of my life to be loud, resonating above all my fears or problems, circumstances or roadblocks. I want it to be loud and true.

Father, this day I sing to You with my life. Your joy has overtaken me!

Fire

I sit here in a still, big, pink sanctuary. The dim lights are up just enough to see my work in front of me, as I've created a traveling office that seems to have followed me from my back stationary office to this piano bench that I sit on. My thoughts... why does my computer keep shutting down on me? Do I really like the song list I've pieced together for this weekend's services? Should I try working in the dark to save electricity? Man, where could I find a quick mountain dew fix? ..... This is just the beginning of the fast-paced mind planted inside this head of mine. I have 18 extra minutes tonight, so I want to spill my thoughts out onto a page.

Just a few brief moments ago, my mind was opened up and my ears too, as I watched and listened to a dear friend pour her heart out to me on the topic of worship. Oh worship. It's so deep, yet so simple. It can be so over-complicated, and so under-rated. One thing it can't be is forced, or controlled. It can't. Real worship is scary because it means, as the worship leader, you're stepping out on waters you can't swim in! There's no way of knowing what's going to be released in the room when a group of believers have gathered with one single intention: to encounter Him. This is dangerous.  It means programs, schedules, computers, lists, plans... all out the window. If that is truly the intention and purpose, there goes everything else.

Having been a worship leader in a major role for 3 years now, I've personally experienced the beautiful chaos that is created when the spirit of God walks through the doors into a worship night, church service, youth event, or Bible study. To some in leadership roles, it's not something they know how to deal with. Luckily, for me, the spirit of God has raised me in this. Haha, that sounds funny, but so true! When I open my mouth to sing and suddenly and almost immediately see walls falling down and chains busting, I know it's time. It's time to enter in. It's time to run, run, run, full speed. As fast as I can, to that place. It's a place I talk about often in my blogs, and in conversations I carry about worship and what it means to me.

This place isn't created in my imagination, but instead is branded on my heart. I shake, and smile so big, when I think of the times I've made it to that place in my worship and have run straight into Him. I want to get up and dance. I want to stand on this piano bench and shout, as I listen to a song about the powerful, unstoppable force of God's love. The deepness of His love. The truth of it. 

I know why I'm a worship leader. I try so hard sometimes, like a few minutes ago during the conversation with my friend, to express my feelings on the meaning and purpose of worship. The purity it deserves, the freedom it brings, the noise it creates! I get so frustrated sometimes in conversation because there's no way to say it. That is why I am a worship leader. A worshipper to be more exact. Through song, I feel most satisfied. Through the music I feel most free. When I sing this song, as I write this, I feel freedom and fire being released on the inside of my heart and mind that cannot be quenched!!! 

I just want to warn you who may embrace times of worship with me, there's something being stirred up on the inside. Like a boiling pot, it's about to pour over and out in my worship. He deserves me letting go of EVERYTHING in my worship. The fear of look, the pressure of a good sound, the thoughts of order, the bondage of the computer. If I'm not using these to compliment that worship  that's being poured out of my life and produced from my lips, I must let it go! I cannot use this to try to control something that's uncontrollable. What a waste of time, how dumb! 

God is here in this place. He is here, in me, and hopefully in You as well. 

Jesus, light me even more on fire for You and Your purpose. Fuel the flames that are rising up inside of me. And Father, would You show me where to go with these?! Remind me there are no limits. Open the doors, and open my ears to hear and follow You. I want to go with You. I want to be free in my worship, as a new song pours out from my heart to Yours.

You are Life.

"I can't hold my love back from You.

I can't hold my love back from You.

I've gotta sing, I've gotta sing, Sing my love!

I can't hold my praise back from You.

I can't hold my praise back from You.

I've gotta shout, I've gotta shout, shout my praise!!"

Father, this is my heart's song now. It wants to shout, it wants to stand on the highest mountain, shouting freedom, shouting victory, over nations! It's pulling on me, tugging so hard. I praise, I worship, and I know there's SO much more coming. Hallelujah!

Release this fire in me to explode and spread- turning people's faces and minds to see and grasp what's going on here. The Spirit of the LIVING God has fallen on us. We are ruined. We have been rocked, turned, compromised, and we have prevailed. You have prevailed- in us.

I have a joy in my heart, like the child's song "I've got joy joy joy joy down in my heart..." Yes Lord, this is me this day. So in love- with You. So excited to be Yours. So ready to move forward- with You. Ready to open my eyes to see an even deeper realm in worship, and be an even stronger force in battle! Ready to climb, jump, shout, declare, profess, show, represent, shine, work, fight, fall, and live for You, Jesus. YOU are my life. YOU are life.

Brace Yourself.

It's been a crazy few months in the ministry of Kathleen Baxter. Many avenues, many opportunities, many choices, many rewards. Through all of the 13-hour days, stacks of files, song lists, voicemails, meetings, and effort being put forth, I have been carried to a new level in my worship. My desire to worship has been fueled by all of these things, & so many more. My understanding of the important of lifting high the name of Jesus through song has expanded. I have grown to cherish and anticipate the many different elements that come together to form an effective worship service. 

Today, I write this with an anticipation in my heart for the coming months- not only for my own personal times of worship, but for our times of worship as a corporate body. I have been blessed to be a witness of what God is stirring up in His bride. He's bringing us to a point of being "antzy"... wondering, hoping, thinking, expecting, dreaming... what's next! He is opening the already-opened eyes to see even more of who He is. 

He is filling our ears with soft whispers... "Are you ready for this? Will you step off the egde? Are you coming with Me? How high are your expectations?".... "I'm going to blow your expectations out of the water!" is His response. The body of Christ over the past ten to twenty years has become boxed. Following tradition. Following the routine. Following what others are doing. But, God has finally woken us up from the stagnant state of normal that we've been in. We've been sleeping. We are now awake. We are changing as the world changes- but in the opposite direction! We are fueling believers, and opening doors for them to act. Now is a critical time in our age, as the world is weak and hanging on by a thread. We see this and we are moving in on the forces of the enemy. We ARE advancing the Kingdom of God. Through worship, we are connecting with Him and discovering How real He is.

I've had a few handfuls of powerful, raw worship experiences these past few months. Times of intense ministry, full altars, hands lifted high, voices louder than they've ever been within our church walls.... People are thirsty. They are hungry for MORE. God sees this, and He is flooding in every single weekend with more than we can stand-  it's overwhelming. It brings us to our knees. It's happening in our youth, our prayer groups, our home groups, the children's ministry, among the worship team, in the office, on the grounds, but most importantly all over our city. It's contagious, and it's AWESOME.

Thinking of this summer and all that God wants to do in my personal ministry of worship, and in our church, excites me more than you could imagine! I warn you... Brace yourself, because the spirit of God is blowing through our city and is taking over. You can't run from it, you can't hide. So grab hold of it and let it change you from the inside out. Be a part of the movement. Hear Him speak to you- He's opening doors for you, even today. He's tearing down walls that may be in your way. He's calling out your name to join the team. Will you?

A God Week

It's been too long since I've written. I need to write more; this website is an escape from the world of to-do's and expectations. Today is my day off, after a crazy mind-spinning week, and before another even crazier week. So, I figured I would visit my escape and write a blog. =)

My parents and Jenn return in 75 days. WOW. Can you believe it? I can't. But, I do wish it was sooner. Haha. Lately I've found myself not minding this number though, as we've been in the 90's and 80's... Why you may ask? Well, we were in the 300's just yesterday. So, it reminds me that I'll blink my eyes and when I open them, they'll be home! The puppies will be very happy too!

I love my Jesus. He is my best friend. Recently, He has met me one-on-one time and time again. How people can go through normal life without having that security and assurance that He offers, let alone traveling through tragedy and season of defeat. I am so blessed to have been introduced to this Truth at a young age, and encouraged to grab hold of this hope. I wouldn't exchange what Jesus and I have for anything in the world. Nothing. There is nothing that could suffice or come close to comparing. And, I am giving myself the challenge of not keeping this to myself. It must be shared, represented, spread. He deserves more glory, more recognition!

That's all on my mind for now! Love and prayers to you. 

Jesus, How I Love You- Lyrics

How I wanna know You

maker of the earth

to know what breaks Your heart

to know what makes it beat

How I wanna know You

father of my heart

Why You saved my soul

Why You gave me life

Oh I wanna love You

With the love that filled Your soul

as You hung lifeless on a cross

Jesus, how I love You

Jesus, how I love You

My Love- Lyrics

You're everything I've searched for 

Your name is Love

You're all that I've longed for

Your name is Love

You never fail

You will prevail 

All power is Yours

You tore the veil

You hold the key

to the deepest part of my heart

So unlock me

break me

Pour me out

I want everything, You are, to fill me 

Facedown- Lyrics

Now is the time

I enter in

to Your overwhelming presence

Now is the time

when I reach

that overwhelming moment

when every worry in my heart slips away

when every burden on my mind disappears

I quiet my heart and still my soul to sing these words

It's just me and You, my love

Take my hand

I hold nothing back from You

You are my desire

You gave everything for me

Out of Your great love

so here I am, facedown

wanting more of You, Jesus

I am Poured out, facedown, empty now

I'd be worthless, nothing, but for Your love

Revive me Lord

170 DAYS

TIL JENN COMES HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!